Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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