Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
