I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
