he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
