I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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