it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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