3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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