were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
