Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
don't judge my taste in strippers
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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