I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
