and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
