Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
