I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
