I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
