I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
