That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
