Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
