you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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