I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The air taste purple.
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