Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
