Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone shattered a urinal.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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