She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
