I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
