please come you make the beer taste better
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
