Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
