you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this boner is exhausting
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
