I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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