I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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