Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry about my life...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
