like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
