I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
