just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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