My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
