You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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