I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
