so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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