am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
