the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
