You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
