Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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