i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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