Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
