If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
