who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
