I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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