just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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