he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
