guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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