is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
