Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
