Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
